Learning.

I guess there's a lot more to life then meets the eye. Here I am, almost done with school, I have just around 26 or something like that days left, and then I'm done with high school forever. It sounds weird, to me anyway. I've waited for this for so long, but now that it's here, it feels like everything is coming too fast. I wouldn't stop or slow time for anything, because irregardless of what I want, it's going to continue on anyway. My 18th birthday is not even a month away anymore, and that's going to go by fast. Sure everything always gets better, but it's like starting a new chapter in my life I suppose. I've made my decision not to go to college. To be here, and waste my parents money on something that isn't going to make me happy is selfish. So in late February I'm going to Poland for awhile to be with my boyfriend :). Then afterwards I'm coming home to work as much as I can. At a new job, and save my money, and head myself over to England, which has been my dream home since I was 6. But that's far. Far from my family, friends, everything that I know. But I feel safe with myself that it's something I could do. Because its something I really truly want. And what's life without a couple of big jumps right? Where's the fun without the loops, or big drops? If you let your life be flat, no risks, safe surface, you never really lived at all, did you?

Aggrivated.

I'm really annoyed that I have school tomorrow. Well, I suppose I could stay home, I don't think I'm doing anything important, but I don't want to waste my days. I don't feel well, and I'm just really annoyed with everything lately. With work, with school, with myself. I need money, but I'm really not into my job anymore and would preferably want to work somewhere else. But no one is going to pay me and give me the hours that I have now, and I kinda sorta maybe need the money a little...

I really wish it would snow, for tonight anyway, so maybe we could have a 2 hr delay or something. For my sake, but not many people like the snow. I love it. So thus all the people that hate it win, because it's definitely not going to snow tonight.

11.9.08

Lately I've come to realize a few things.
A) I have to start living my life, for me, not for anyone else. Because lately it's really been making me sick that everyone keeps telling me I'm a child and that I don't know what's best for me. First of all, I'm the only one who knows what's 100% best for me, because it's my life and I have to learn from my mistakes and keep on living afterwards. But sure people can give you advice from their mistakes, telling you that they want the best for you and blah blah. I'm sure my family has my best interest at heart, I know they do, but the more they keep telling me I'm still too young to know what I want and I'm just going to throw my life away, it really makes me angry.
and B) I'm not getting any younger lol. I'm not old now, but as long as I do what I want to do now, take my chances, make my mistakes, I still have the rest of my life ahead of me to make things better. Everything happens for a reason, and if you don't learn to carry on after you fall, there's never going to be anything to live for.
C) I completely have no idea what I want. There are very few things I'm certain of lately. I don't want to go to college, but I have to, that I know. I want to be with my boyfriend alll the time, but currently I can't, unless I move, that I know. I want to have something that is completely mine, that no one can change, but I can't right now, that I know. I also know that I'm afraid to leave my friends and family to try living somewhere new, even if deep down it's what I really wanted to do, that I know. And I know that I change my mind all the time, and by tomorrow, this whole thing of what I know and don't, could completely change.