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I wish everyone would stop thinking of me as the spoiled little know-nothing princess. It's one thing for people outside my family to think that of me, but how on earth am I ever going to feel good enough to do something if my family and my boyfriend think that of me? All the damn time!!

Maybe this is my problem with life. The reason I don't want to do anything or go anywhere, be anything. Because I have no encouragement. How lame is that?

Parents are supposed to be there for you, not tell you that you're lazy or don't care about anything. Which in most cases is wrong, even though they think they know you 110%. My family in fact, doesn't know half of me that I used to be before I left. Sure there's a lot of the same me, but there's a lot different too. No, not just that I lost weight, not that anyone could tell. But the fact that I'm more independent is what they don't see and the chances I could have, they keep pushing me in other directions, directions I would prefer to go opposite of.

Gah, I need another vacation. Away from everyone. I hate to say it, even Tomek. But at least he's not as bad as my family. I think.

Long time no see.

Not too much has been happening lately. I guess everyone has been off my back a little lately, of course they still have their days. Tomek is working at my cousins farm a few days a week which is good for him, but I feel bad because when it's hot, the work seems even harder. As for me, I think I've decided that I will apply for OCCC and do a visual arts as a minor or major, I'm not sure yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be going. Which I guess is good? I have a chance to meet new people right?

I still would like to have my own place though, that would be exceptionally nice. But I seriously don't see that happening ANY time soon. So I guess I just have to stick with things.

For the most part I guess I can't complain about the weather, it's been pretty nice out. Too hot and too cold aren't for me. I used to love the winter, but when it gets too cold I guess I don't like it. I need cool spring weather, like I had in Poland, that was nice. Or I need fall weather. It's nice when some days it's warm enough out that you could wear shorts or a tank top, but then other days it's not so hot that you can wear a sweater and not burn up in it. That's the kind of weather that I need. Anyone know where I can move to find that?

I got some free cooking magazines yesterday when I went to yard sales with my mom, kat and Tomek. So I'm going to experiment with them one by one. I hope I don't blow up the kitchen. No, I don't cook that bad, I don't think so anyway.

But I guess for now I'm going to get going. Make us some brunch, feed Jasper, clean and then I have no idea what to do.

Bye.

Lately

Ah what to say, what to say. It's been alright being home. But now the happiness is wearing off and it's just the same old same old. My grandma as much as I love her, gets annoying very quickly. And at the same time bothers Tomek as well. I used to think his mother was bothersome when I had a bad day or something, but Ivy just pushes his buttons. He is 20 years old, he knows how to melt butter by himself, though this morning she acted as if he couldn't.

And as much as you love your mother she tends to get to me to. All everyone seems to have on my tail is that I should be driving already, I should have a job, since Tomek has one here now, and I should have my mind made up if I want to go to OCCC or just find a job for the time being. But I have no clue. Driving freaks me out beyond belief. When I drive I just feel like I'm doing an awful job and I have trouble concentrating and doing things right and it makes me paranoid. And it's really starting to bother me that people keep pushing this on me. This is definitely something that should not be rushed, seeing as it should be taken seriously.

My family is no help teaching me to drive and I really don't want to have some stranger teaching me, they won't be as easy as a parent, they just tell you where to drive and you kinda have to right? I don't even like one car behind me, how can I drive down 17?

I mean sure I don't have it as stressful as others may, but I feel very stressed over everything. I just feel like I want my own place so if I don't make my bed, no one is going to whine at me. Yes they still whine at me if I don't make my bed. Seriously?

Other than the annoying stuff, for the most part other things are good. I'm happy Tomek is home with me. And I'm happy I still have 2 months with him. Though it's going to go fast :[ I'm happy this weather has been good! I'm happy when we went to Wildwood the weather turned out great and we had a blast together. And I think I'm pretty happy with myself, which I think is most important, otherwise I really would be miserable.

So, well things have been things. And I guess now I'm going to sit on my hammock and read a book :) it's unbelievably beautiful out!